Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We left the knife in your bed.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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