I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
