the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
