I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
A bitchslap is in order.
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