Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
