I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
