Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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