GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
