they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
