You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
