wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
