The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
