youre lurking in front of me
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
