I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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