I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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