Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
