I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
