wrigley field is MILF paradise
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
