My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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