peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just tell him i said nine months
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
