my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
