dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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