chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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