I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
