I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
