I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
