he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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