'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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