Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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