Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
