we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
