Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
