So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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