I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
