Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
