Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
