My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
