my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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