I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
