what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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