so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
