the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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