The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
