my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
