I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
