So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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