we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
