last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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