o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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