Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
