i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
