it was like eating out sand paper
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
